The
courses of the northwest
require a bit of
traveling, but what
you spend in petrol
you'll save
several
times
over
in the green fees and lodging
costs that average less than half of
those in the rest of
Ireland
(or Scotland).
The population
is
sparser, the
traffic is
less dense, the pace of
life is slower and
the
scenery is just as
stunning as
anywhere in the
country. Indeed,
you never know
what you'll
encounter around the next
bend. Certainly, on
the
early morning when I turned
onto the road
leading
to Enniscrone, I had little idea I was
about to come
face
to
face with an elephant.
But
there he was, all alone on the misty
linksland, trunk
swaying as he shifted lazily from side to
side,
staring at
me as if I were the one who
didn't belong.
I
stopped the
car and beheld him
for a
moment, sipping
my take-out coffee and
wondering whether he
was an
Indian
elephant or an African elephant.
I
can only say with confidence that
he wasn't Irish.
Like your
correspondent, he was merely a
visitor,
taking
part in the
annual Enniscrone summer
carnival.
But the elephant incident
wasn't my
biggest
surprise as a motorist.
That distinction belongs
to
the day
prior, on the
rain-slicked road from Belmullet. I don't
know whether I
looked
away from the road at the map
or spent too
much time ogling the cliffs of
Downpatrick
Head. But the next thing
I knew, I was
skidding
through a hairpin
right turn, plowing through
a wire fence and launching my
Focus
airborne.
There was just
enough time for "Ohmygod,
is
this it?" to flash
through my mind,
then I was
face-first
into an airbag. The car had sailed 20
feet, dropped another
20 and landed
nose-down in a
pasture
of vaguely amused sheep. Smoke was spewing
through
the
dashboard,
the car's
headlights were
about a foot from
my
chest and
my only escape
was by smashing
through the
passenger-side window.
Miraculously,
however, I was unhurt—all
but my
pride.
A dazed 15
minutes later, my belongings and I
were crammed into
the car of
a Good
Samaritan named Michael
and a
short while later delivered
into the welcoming arms
of the Stella Maris Hotel
in Ballycastle,
where,
also miraculously, the
proprietor turned out to be an old
friend and
colleague, Terry McSweeney, former
publications
director
for the PGA of
America.
The rascal had married an
Irish girl,
Frances
Kelley, and
the two of
them had bought
an old
convent in
Frances' hometown and converted it into a
stunning seaside hotel.
Thanks to the
nurturing of
Terry
and Frances—and a
50-mile lift
from
Terry to
the Knock
Airport, the closest
car-rental
location, I
was on my way
again the
next day.
The forbearing if foolish
folks
at
Murray's Europcar even entrusted me with
another
set of wheels. I'm
not
sure I'll ever be as
cautious a driver as my wife wants
me to
be, but I do know this: Henceforth I will
pay heed to
all
signs that
read "Slippery When
Wet."
My
over-aggressive driving
aside, I
must say
the
Irish
road system still has far to
go. You
have to know
it's not
an ideal
situation
when:
• The
guy at the Dublin Airport car
rental
counter, asked
whether he
has any cars
available
with
satellite navigation systems, replies, "
No,
we're not set up for
that in this country yet.
Besides,
getting lost is
all part of the
Irish experience,
isn't it?"
• At intersections,
the
signposts (which
look
like a kindergarten kid
made them out of popsicle
sticks)
direct you to
the nearest 10 or 12 towns
and point in at least that
many directions on the compass,
despite the fact
that your
only
options are
left
and
right.
• Signs in about half the
country—including Dublin—are
printed
in two languages,
English and
something
only Darby O'Gill and the Little
People understand. For
example: "Dublin City
Centre 4
miles/Dufna Slaegh
Tiramisu
6 km."
•Someone tells you, "
It's a
50-mile
drive, but you better
allow
three hours."
I'm convinced it's all been perpetrated by
a
sect
of
demented leprechauns who lurk behind
those
stone walls,
giggling at the sight
of
each steering-wheel-banging
motorist.